A person’s experience of pain is not a universal phenomenon. No two people experience pain in the same way. People have vastly different pain thresholds, i.e., some people seem to be able to tolerate greater levels of pain more easily than others. Why is that?

One factor is fear. People are genuinely afraid of pain, and, for good reason. It hurts! Words often spoken are: "Is it going to hurt?" "How much will it hurt?" "How much pain will I have?" "How long will I be in pain?"

A second factor is expectation. People begin to experience pain even before it occurs, and even when it turns out that it does not hurt at all. A child screams in pain before s/he is touched by a Doctor. In fact, the screams begin by just seeing a Doctor. Clearly, it is the expectation of what they think they will experience. And, in anticipation, it is genuinely felt. Adults, although less likely utter blood curdling screams, experience the same thing. They brace themselves for the event they think will be painful.

A third factor is perception. And this is where it becomes more complicated. To begin, we learn about pain from the significant people around us. As "little ones", we pick up messages about how pain is "supposed" to be experienced. As "little ones", we are veritable sponges who soak up the information about how we should act and respond at any given time. And so, when it comes to pain, we experience it in the way that we were vicariously taught. Remember: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

The perception of pain is also acquired through what it told to us by the medical community. Physicians often tell us how much pain we will experience and for how long after a given procedure. The rationale to them is very clear: they want to prepare their patient. They are looking after their patient’s best interest. However, what they are really doing is getting their patient to anticipate and focus in on pain. And, when someone gives attention to an area of discomfort, it will intensify. I remember the time I had stitches taken out of my neck after a neck fusion. The nurse said, "you will feel stings". My reply was, "please, do not tell me what I will feel". I did not feel anything.

Pain also affords us attention that we do not otherwise get. It allows us to stop from the "rat race" life we live. In some ways, it can allow us to have a "breather". I am not saying that we consciously use pain in a manipulative way. I am saying, however, that our society does not give attention to, nor reward with more free time to people who are well. It gives attention to those that are hurt in any one of many ways. We do not have ways nor the language to nurture wellness. And, that is truly sad.

And, finally, there are some people who do not experience much pain at all, even when there is reason to believe that there should be a great deal of pain. In the majority of these cases, either they genuinely do not have the expected level of pain or they inherently know how do diminish it.

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